Frank Zays
Frank Zays ("Frank says") is a short comic book starring a Dutch photographer. The stories are mostly based on real experiences, or as perceived by VampireMeerkat. It's written in Dutch and the original title "Frank Segt". The book was printed out and given as a birthday gift, as requested by VampireMeerkat's sister, who's friends with the main character and often worked for him. The pages were once uploaded at Facebook, but the majority then asked to be removed by the sister, because they could've fed the attempts of public defamation the photographer was dealing with at the time. There were also abstract parodies of real people better off not getting recognized. Nevertheless, the gift itself was appreciated. The comics were drawn in May of 2014. Characters Frank The main character and a comedic exaggeration of the real Frank. He's a professional photographer with an unpleasant attitude not even his own wife is spared from. He has idiotic rules he wishes for everyone to obey and shows little respect towards others. Because his critics exists out of people who have blind adoration for him or are convinced he's an amateur, it's difficult to gauge how good his work actually is. ---- Nadine Nadine is a reoccurring model and clothing stylist, who changes her looks often. She and Frank like to join forces, especially when he has a paid workshop planned. She seems to be one of the few characters that is used to his rude comments and practises. ---- Frank's wife Annewiek, Frank's wife, is a character who has to deal with his personality every second of the day. She tries to do normal, inoffensive things with him, but they prove to be an odd match. ---- Good-intern-stereotype "Good-intern-stereotype" is one of the two interns that appears for a few comics. He's a silent, perverted, punkish character who's only granted the title of "good stereotype", because the other is a less motivated worker. Frank thinks he's hilarious and is fond of him, despite having blamed him for a misdemeanour and witnessed his perversion first hand. ---- Bad-intern-stereotype "Bad-intern-stereotype" is a tidy girl named Bella, who isn't quite what she seems. She's shown to be a thief, a liar, bad with a camera, and not to do her homework assignments. It can be argued she isn't worse than the other intern, still Frank likes her less. ---- Frank's students Frank's students are a small group of aspiring hobbyists and professionals that all have their own way of working and views on Frank's work. The group includes another photographer who believes to know everything already, a man who mainly wants to take pictures of nude female models, a dead-faced person who has no opinion about anything and keeps asking confirmation for his work, a man who likes and accepts literally everything, and an obsessed fan who wants more of Frank's signatures written on his body. Comics Page 1: "Motivate your model" Frank wastes the time of his paying students talking about the irrelevant questions people tend to ask him, leaving only 5 minutes left to actually start the workshop. He introduces them to his model, Nadine, whereafter he gives her a one-sentence command and calls it a detailed description of what to do. He then argues to his audience she doesn't meet his expectations and that there'll be moments where you need to motivate your model. He takes out a whip and beats Nadine with it. At the end, the only question asked is the same Frank complained about at the beginning of the comic; what his favourite colour is. ---- Page 2: "Control your model AND THE WORLD" Frank is taking pictures of Nadine, who he calls Bella, during his workshop. He asks her every next panel to look more to the right, and in the meantime describes it to his audience as controlling his model. He starts to sound more like a movie villain hungering for world domination as he goes on, whereafter he stops and asks if there are any questions. One person asks how many empty toilet rolls are needed to shoot a sharp picture; referring to the fact Frank has been using a cardboard box with a toilet roll taped on it as a camera. ---- Page 3: "England is around the corner" Frank is lazily sitting by himself in his living room and proclaims to be bored. He strenuously grabs his phone to call up Nadine and ask her to go to England for a photoshoot. Because he never actually dialed a number, he's only met with a loud beep. When he thinks his outdated 80s phone is broken, he picks up his cell phone and asks if Nadine can hear him better, but the same sound is heard. ---- Page 4: "You have to s(cr)ew" Nadine is busy repairing the clothes she designed and brought along for Frank's workshop. Since everyone's waiting, he asks her if she can't go naked instead, but she insists to need something to pin her ribbons and beads onto. Frank heads back to his students to complain by announcing Nadine never sews anything and there are no clothes for her to wear. A random man in the group says to have brought a dress, which Frank takes to Nadine. Not entirely satisfied yet, she places a giant brooch on its chest and proudly compliments herself on the work she just done. ---- Page 5: "Castrate your dog" Frank meets up with Nadine for a photoshoot, but then discovers she's pregnant. Nadine claims she told him this already, to which he responds with another beating of his whip. He then drives over to her house with a triangular-wheeled car to beat her husband with a bat, who is called a dirty slut. ---- Page 6: "A nice baby elephant fixes everything" Frank and his wife are outside for a couple's picnic, but he then spots a stork carrying a baby, which he perceives to be "a pretty swan with a purse". He wishes to shoot a picture of the sight, doing so by placing his camera at the end of a rifle. His wife questions this method, angering Frank, who claims to know what he's doing as a photographer. The camera hits the stork in the face, making it crash-land. Frank is satisfied. His wife doesn't think the abuse is very romantic and starts complaining even more when he starts touching the animal. Frank then offers her the baby elephant that was sitting inside the sack as a way to make amends. ---- Page 7: "....." Frank is late at home writing a book, which peaks his wife's interest. She asks what he's writing and he grants her a curt answer it's about models. After not getting a clarification, she angrily leaves and comments she wishes he was this quiet when it was asked of him. Frank cares little and then proudly announces to have finished his work. The last comic frame shows a book called "Twailait" in a store display. ---- Page 8: "I knew that" After a hard day of work, Frank visits his computer to go on the internet and read comments from people on his work. He reads a lengthy, repetitive, and negative comment that insists his pictures are bad and overexposed. At the end it's revealed it came from Frank's wife. ---- Page 9: "Extend the hours of your interns" It's late and Frank's wife decides to bring her working husband coffee. He hits it out of her hands right away and insists they could've saved money by letting the interns do that kind of work. She explains there aren't any interns, because it's past midnight, but Frank keeps hitting the coffee out of her hands either way. ---- Page 10: "Socializing is important" After a workshop at a convention is long over, Frank's wife is sitting by herself, waiting. A drunk Frank then appears, and she asks what he's been doing. He insists he was socializing, but the two fight over the fact he didn't help with cleaning up and left her sitting for 3 hours. Frank becomes especially offended when his wife throws his insult to her back at him. ---- Page 11: "You drink ice tea warm" Frank has two interns he calls "good-intern-stereotype" and "bad-intern-stereotype", who he wishes to assign a task to. Because he doesn't trust the punk boy with his ice tea, he asks him to carry his extremely valuable and fragile equipment, while the brushed-up girl is given his cup. It's heard getting dropped right away and she utters her surprise for the cup being hot. Frank believes ice tea should be and then angrily chases her away, proclaiming she'll never become a photographer. ---- Page 12: "It's not always a butt-botox" Frank and "bad-intern-stereotype" (the girl) start to small talk during a photo session, but he immediately interrupts her to request his team to redo the model. He then notices the make-up table is empty and immediately blames "good-intern-stereotype" sitting in the corner, editing photos on a computer. His grumpy facial expression doesn't change while Frank claims to see he's wearing green eyeshadow and it doesn't look good on him. Frank plans to call his school about the theft, but not before he comments on "bad-intern-stereotype's" seemingly large behind that happens to contain the stolen items. ---- Page 13: "A dweeb is always needed to make the coffee" ---- Page 14: "CTRL+C, there's nothing wrong with that" ---- Page 15: "Funny boys are trustworthy boys" ---- Page 16: "The disappointment is mutual" ---- Page 17: "Sod off while I'm in my shed" ---- Page 18: "Keep your eyes open for things" ---- Page 19: "Photoshop is the devil" ---- Page 20: "Faith in humanity restored" Gallery Frank1.jpg|Page 1 Frank2.jpg|Page 2 Frank3.jpg|Page 3 Frank4.jpg|Page 4 Frank5.jpg|Page 5 Frank6.jpg|Page 6 Frank7.jpg|Page 7 Frank8.jpg|Page 8 Frank9.jpg|Page 9 Frank10.jpg|Page 10 Frank11.jpg|Page 11 Frank12.jpg|Page 12 Frank13.jpg|Page 13 Frank14.jpg|Page 14 Frank15.jpg|Page 15 Frank16.jpg|Page 16 Frank17.jpg|Page 17 Frank18.jpg|Page 18 Frank19.jpg|Page 19 Frank20.jpg|Page 20 Trivia *"Good-intern-stereotype" is based on Larie Kanker from the genderbent Ed, Edd n Eddy. Category:Original content Category:Series